Rejection stings.
Or, at least, it normally does.
So what made today's rejection so different?
Two weeks ago, I tried out to be a copy editor for UT's student-run newspaper, The Daily Texan. It was a position I had wanted for about two years, even before I was accepted to UT. I had subscribed to their email list and would faithfully read all the news they sent me every day. I was even the very first one to sign up for tryouts. With my extensive journalism background, I thought I was thoroughly prepared.
I was told it would be a fifty minute process. I was there for two hours. And it was beyond difficult. So naturally, I began to worry. What if they don't pick me because I took too long. What if I made dumb mistakes. What if. What if. All these thoughts kept running in my head until I was exhausted from the stress that accompanied them. So I took a deep breath and recalled what my parents had told me to do in situations like this - pray. Pray and trust in God's ultimate and perfect plan. And I did just that. That night, I could feel a sort of calm take over my restless mind. I found that I wasn't obsessing over my tryout and I could carry on with my other duties with peace in my heart.
Fast forward two weeks to today. It was around 2 pm when I opened my email. And there it was. A message from the copy desk. Now, I had been through my fair share of rejections, so I knew the ropes. If the email/note did not begin with CONGRATULATIONS! it was a pretty good chance that, unfortunately, the response you got would be negative. I clicked on the email, and whadya know, the message didn't start with a congratulatory statement. Strangely though, I felt relief as I read through what I already knew would be a rejection letter. I felt a burden being lifted off my shoulders and for some indescribable reason, I felt overwhelming peace.
I guess, in some way, a part of me had already anticipated this rejection. Over the past few days, I had begun to second guess my career plans. I thought I had always wanted to be part of a major newspaper, reporting on breaking news and huge national events. But after attending classes, listening to professors/guest speakers, and exploring all the communications organizations, I realized that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't what I wanted after all. I began to remember why I fell in love with journalism in the first place. It wasn't so much the press conferences, the competition, the story-chasing I fell in love with, but it was the meaningful conversations I was able to have through interviews. It was other people's special stories I got to tell. It was the smiles on their faces realizing someone was genuinely interested in knowing their story. In just the past week, I had been offered two opportunities to do just that. I realize, in retrospect, if I had been accepted to The Daily Texan, I would have been overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility that came with writing for three different publications. I would have lost myself and lost sight of my goals. Most importantly, I would have lost sight of God.
God is so good to me. He knows me more than I know myself. He knows what I can and can't handle. He takes away, but he also gives. He gives us more than we'll ever be able to comprehend. Sure, I got rejected from a publication I've been admiring. But what I've received in its place is so much better. It's too early to tell what will come of these new opportunities I've been given. But I can walk forward confidently, knowing that God is holding my hand and will hold it till the end.
~jo