In June of this year, I entered into my first romantic relationship (EEK!) and it changed life as I knew it. Kinda bonkers to think that the last post I wrote on this blog was about my singleness, and since then, an abundance of things have changed. For brevity’s sake, I’m not going to detail out how we happened in this specific post, but if you’re curious, just LMK, and I’m happy to share! 😉
When people say it comes when you least expect it, they ain’t lying. I was fully prepared to remain single for at least a few more years, and potentially, even for the rest of my life. When Jeff asked me out on a first date, one of my biggest hesitations was that I wouldn’t be able to handle all the things that come with a relationship, mostly cuz I’ve spent 24 years of my life being independent and individualist. But I decided to take a chance, and I’m glad I did, because over the last 6 months, I’ve experienced so much love, in all its forms - tender, sweet, challenging, sacrificial, blissful - to name only a few. Each month that passed brought with it a new revelation about love, which is arguably one of the most abstract, yet universal human aspirations. What follows is just a teeny tiny glimpse of the sweet revelations loving and being loved by Jeff has given me.
MONTH 1: A romantic relationship is God’s way of making His pursuant love so real to us.
I grew up my whole life as a Christian, but I’ve come to know that our tiny human brains, with its limited understanding, can never fully comprehend just how far and wide God’s love extends. BUT He does reveal it to us, piece by piece, through the people around us. I’ve been blessed to experience true and pure love from my family and friends, but romantic love? That’s a whole other context of the word I hadn’t ever tasted, and through it, I’ve discovered another dimension to God’s love. The month before we became official, when we were just going on dates and I was so unsure about us, Jeff made so much effort to intentionally pursue me, which was something so novel to me. It made me feel chosen, that out of all the people in the world, someone just knew they wanted to love me specifically, and they would do (mostly) anything to just be with me. The first month of our relationship, everything was so new and exciting to me, and the ways that Jeff pursued me consistently surprised and delighted me. His cute lil “good morning” texts that greeted my eyes every morning as well as the extra miles he would go to remind me I’m beautiful and cared for made me feel so special. Even now, six months in, he hasn’t stopped. Although the methods of pursuit might look different now, the lengths he goes to and the sacrifices he makes on a daily basis give me reason to believe that I am a precious being. And if this type of pursuing love is what a human is capable of, then how much greater must God’s pursuing love for me be???
MONTH 2 - Loving with “all my heart” is so much more than a cute lil phrase.
“I love you” came halfway through our second month. He had the courage to say it first, and although I didn’t exactly understand what being “in love” meant, I just knew that my feelings for Jeff far surpassed “like,” and so I called it love. Whenever we tell each other “I love you,” Jeff and I always playfully respond with, “how much?” One time, I quantified it by saying, “with all my heart,” but I don’t think I truly grasped the gravity of that phrase until the end of month 2. The arguments, albeit small, began this month, and it became just a lil harder to remain in the “everything is great” space. I began to realize that loving with “all my heart” is much easier said than done, and it’s something that involves also embracing the tough moments.
MONTH 3 - When you love someone, arguments should feel like you’re fighting on the same side.
This month, the difficult arguments really picked up, and it was a tough pill for me to swallow initially. It was hard, because I perceived that a lot of our disagreements stemmed from a difference in priorities and approaches to life. And so on the surface, it seemed like we were fighting against each other. But I was pleasantly surprised that we were always able to work towards a resolution, and I always came out of it loving Jeff a little more. I realized that it’s because we were actually fighting on the same side, for the same thing. Both he and I ultimately have the goal of loving each other and protecting the relationship, so underneath all the squabbles and tough conversations, what we’re actually fighting for is the preservation of us. Acknowledging that was huge for me in viewing disagreements as a positive, constructive element of a relationship. To Jeff’s credit, he doesn’t shy away from arguments and is really good at finding practical ways for us to meet in the middle, so that certainly helps.
MONTH 4 - Loving someone means intentionally making space and time for them in your schedule and your thoughts.
Oh boy, this was probably the hardest lesson for me to learn. And honestly, it’s something I’m still wrestling with. My time is probably the thing in life I’m most selfish with, and because I’d spent my whole life blissfully single, I had never had to consider another person in decisions pertaining to how I spent my time. A large majority of our arguments this month stemmed from decisions I had made without taking Jeff into consideration. Initially, I was confused as to why he was upset - It was my time, so I should have full freedom to decide how I wanted to spend my time… right? Wrong. What I failed to consider and respect was how Jeff was intentionally creating space for me in his life, working really long hours during the week so he could fully dedicate weekends to me, to us. By not doing the same, I was taking his efforts for granted. Being a partner and loving someone requires shifting of schedules to prioritize what’s best for the relationship, and it’s so freaking hard. But that’s why they say love is a choice. Everyday we’re choosing to prioritize each other out of a love for one another.
MONTH 5 - “You like someone because of all of their qualities, and you love someone despite some of their qualities.”
If you’ve ever watched the brilliant masterpiece that is Set It Up, you’re very familiar with this line. “Liking” is easy, because you only have to look at the surface and decide if what you’re seeing is bueno or no bueno. It also conveys a lower level of commitment, if any at all. I like fashion because I think it’s pretty. I like Sweetgreen because it satisfies my taste buds and allows me to pretend I lead a healthy lifestyle. I like LANY’s music because it makes me bop my head. But “loving” is not just the next level of “like,” it’s something entirely different. This month marked the hardest 4 weeks of the relationship (to date) and I thought more about breaking up than I care to admit. Initially, I liked Jeff because he cared for me a lot, and was an honest and strong communicator, amongst other things. But that proved to not be enough for me once we both saw more and more of each other’s areas of opportunity. I viewed certain behaviors/habits that I perceived as “flaws” as indications (red flags if you will) that we weren’t right for each other after all, which prompted thoughts of just ending the whole thing altogether before we wasted any more time.
But every time I proposed breaking up as the solution to our arguments, Jeff would gently encourage me to give it a second thought, reminding me that love and a relationship are never supposed to be easy. Seeing his persistence and willingness to stay when things got challenging made me realize that fully loving a person means choosing to love their whole person, NOT their habits and behaviors. If we all based our love on only the habits and behaviors a person possesses, I don’t think any relationship would stand the test of time. When we make that decision to love another, it means that we are choosing to stay despite disagreements or certain qualities that we might not totally vibe with, because we love their entire person, because a few habits don’t define an entire person. I’m not in a relationship with Jeff because of his habits/behaviors. I’m in a relationship with Jeff, despite his habits/behaviors, because he’s Jeff.
MONTH 6 - Science, love, and how it relates.
The last 6 months have been a journey and process of stepping in sync with another whose life and personality are so different from mine. If you know me, you know that I’m in no way, shape, or form, a STEM girlie. I remember little to nothing from my science classes, hence why I’m in communications. But what I do remember is the concept of friction - when 2 surfaces meet and create resistance against each other. It’s kinda like a relationship that brings 2 very different individuals together. Of course, there’s going to be resistance. But similar to how friction between 2 surfaces generates heat energy, a relationship between 2 partners can create a love that is kinetic. Or, a love that is in motion. A love that propels us forward in life, in our goals + dreams, and in our understanding of what it means to be a human in this very complicated yet very joyful world. Life is hard, and just because I’m in this relationship now, doesn’t mean all those worries magically poof away. But I now have a partner with whom I can process with, bounce ideas off of, pray with, and find encouragement from when things get really tough. Month 6 involved a lotttt of prayer for each other because we both went through (and are still going through) especially challenging uncertainties. Tangibly, it also looked like a lot of reviewing language in certain emails and talking through the pros and cons and considerations of certain decisions. I guess that’s what they mean when they say a relationship is a life partnership - Helping each other achieve our goals and the paths that God has set for us out of love and a desire to see each other become the person God intended for us to be.
6 months have flown by. It’s definitely been hard, but it’s also been the greatest experience of my life. After our first month, I wrote Jeff a letter that said that although I had never imagined it would be him, I now couldn’t imagine that I ever thought it wouldn’t be him. And that remains true today. I feel so lucky that my first dating relationship experience is with someone who loves me so completely and abundantly. Although no one can 100% predict the future, what I do know is that Jeff demonstrates God’s faithful love to me everyday, and it not only grows my love for him, but also for God who loves me that much more.
Happy 6 months to Jeff + Jo! I love “us” in every sense of the word ❤️
xoxo, jo