Hello hello again friends!! Long time no see!! No lie, sophomore year has been hard. It’s been a semester of new academic challenges as well as trying to discern the path that God wants me to take in my future career (but we’ll talk about that a lot later when I actually figure it out hehe). Also, as this blog has evolved, I find myself setting higher standards for the content I post, which scares me out of actually posting, which is bad and something I’m working on heh (we’ll also talk about that later when I figure that out). But all this to say that although I haven’t been posting as frequently, I have not given up on this blog and there’s still a lot of things I feel that God wants me to say through this blog! So I hope you’ll stick with me on this journey! :)
Now on to the actual content of this post…
Oh how time has flown by… again. It is now almost December, which means finals… woohoo… For a lot of us, we still have one final round of midterms before we can even begin thinking about finals. I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I have one of those weeks with back-to-back exams, my mood takes a dramatic turn and I just dread everything. The things that I once found beautiful and enjoyable become just meh and I feel so drained and even a little apathetic. When I walk to classes, I find myself so lost in thought of all the ways I feel sorry for myself and I can just feel the sour expression I know is on my face. During these times, the thought that runs through my head is: wow I hate college I hate school I hate being a student I hate everything urrghhh!!!!
I’m sure many of you guys can also relate to thoughts like this.
But think back to a few years ago, when you were applying to college. This was your dream college (hopefully? maybe?). At that time, you told yourself you’d do anything to get into this college. You researched info about this college for hours and worked so hard to get that ideal GPA, to write those essays, to get those SAT/ACT scores. You told yourself that if only you’d end up here, then your life would be set, it would be perfect. So now that you’re here, why aren’t you happy? Why am I not happy?
It's hard to imagine that there was once a time when I would do just about anything to be a student at UT Austin. This was my dream college, and when I pictured myself as a student here, it always brought up feelings of joy and excitement. Well, I’m here now, but I can’t help feeling discontent.
And that’s all thanks to my selfishness. Getting into UT just wasn’t enough for me. My desire to be comfortable in life left me wanting more than just the privilege of being a student at UT. So as soon as I was faced with difficulty, I lost sight of what I had been gifted with.
For me, my feelings of discontentment with my school reminds me a lot about my faith. Our greatest joy in this life always is and should be our relationship with God. But a lot of times, we are so unhappy and find so many things to be discontent with in our life. I know personally, I also complain about my faith and all the challenges and “inconveniences” it brings. My desire to live a comfortable lifestyle for myself causes me to lose sight of the biggest blessing I have ever received and ever will receive. I forget the excitement and eagerness I felt when I first learned of God’s unconditional love for me. Instead, all I feel is dissatisfaction with my current life and always wish it could be “better.”
However, I’ve found that whenever I shift my focus from seeking ways to improve my own life to seeking ways to further pursue my relationship with God, all those feelings of discontentment magically go away. Poof! Just like that. Because all my attention is focused on someone who is so full of love, naturally this love will infiltrate my life and occupy my mindspace, leaving no room for those pesky, selfish feelings of dissatisfaction.
Now, I want you to think about the moment you opened that college acceptance letter. Are you smiling to yourself, remembering the rush of relief and excitement you felt? Maybe even the happy tears that rolled down your cheeks? I know I sure am. This finals season, as you prepare to face difficulties, I challenge you to hold on to these feelings. Remember how blessed you are to be here at this present moment, and you just might find that this finals season will be filled with peace instead of apathy.
Not only that, but I also challenge you to remind yourself every day how much more blessed you are to have a God who has already given you the greatest love you’ll ever experience. Instead of thinking, “How can my life be better?” just think, “How can I love my God better?” And you will be pleasantly surprised by how renewed and excited you feel, just like the moment when you claimed this great God to be the love of your life.
Wishing you all a happy finals szn!! :)
~jo